Vegeta's Erm
by DeadShaggy
Summary: None of this adds up at all. Read only if you absolutely, positively, have to. Added second, final chapter. Don't read if you don't like fanfics about evil sock puppets.
1. Part One

Vegeta's Erm.....  
  
It was a dark and chilly night at Capsule Corp as Vegeta snuck outside to his car. He started the car up and then drove off through the streets.  
  
"Nananananananana King-Child! Nananananananana King-Child!" Vegeta sung as he cruised through the somewhat empty streets. After a few more minutes of driving, he pulled his car over in a quiet neighborhood and hopped out. As he walked down the sidewalk in silence, he wondered why he was out here in the first place. Having forgot on the way there. He stopped suddenly as he looked at the ground and found a sock puppet staring at him. After a minute or so of staring, he slowly walked back to his car and got in. Driving off into the night.  
  
******  
  
The next day Vegeta payed a visit to Kami's Lookout, when he got there he saw Goku, Mr. Poppo, Krillen, and Dende huddled together.  
  
"What are you all doing?" He asked a he walked over. Goku stood up and showed Vegeta what they were looking at, the same sock puppet from last night.  
  
"Erm, where'd you get that from Kakorotto?" Vegeta asked while sweating, the sock's eyes seemed to stare into his soul. Which was creepy.  
  
"I found it while I took my daily walk through Satan City, it was just there, like it was calling out to me. So I had to take him with me and show the others," Goku said cheerfully.  
  
"It's not a 'him' Kakorotto, it's a sock puppet," Vegeta said.  
  
"Vegeta! It is a him! And his name is Mr. Kcos," Krillen yelled as he bowed before the puppet.  
  
"Y-"  
  
"Vegeta, quiet! Mr. Kcos wishes for us to dance for his own personal amusment!" Goku yelled as him, Dende, Mr. Poppo, and Krillen all started doing the wave as the Big O music played in the background.  
  
"All right, you've all gone insane," Vegeta said while frowning.  
  
"..."  
  
"Mr. Kcos says you must pay for not joining us in our dancing and calling us insane," Goku said as they all stopped dancing.  
  
"Ah forget it." Vegeta said before simply blasting the puppet.  
  
"Oh my Kaioshin! You killed Mr. Kcos !" Dende yelled in horror while grabbing his head.  
  
"The sock had it coming," Vegeta snorted as he stared at the remains of the puppet. Then flew off the Lookout as everyone stared slackjawed.  
  
******  
  
Later that same day, Vegeta was heading over to the Son home for a sparring match with Goku. Having brushed aside how weird he had been acting earlier.  
  
"Hey Kakorotto! Come on, let's spar!!" Vegeta yelled once he got to the Son home. Not getting a response Vegeta decided to try and sense for his ki signature.  
  
"Hmm, he's not here. Neither are his brats or She_Who_Weilds_The_Pan. Oh well, maybe there's some food lying around." Vegeta said before casually breaking a window and hopping in, heading towards the fridge. He was stopped when he hearding a crash and the shuffling of feet across the floor somewhere behind him.  
  
******  
  
"Achoo!" Tien sneezed for no apparent reason, and then went back to training with Chaotzu in the mountains.  
  
******  
  
"Who's there?" Vegeta said as he turned around in the dark room. Hearing the shuffling of feet again, Vegeta hit the light switch that just happened to be on the wall next to him so he could see who was creeping around.  
  
"You!" Vegeta yelled as he stared at Piccolo. The Namek simply took a seat in the living room stared back.  
  
"Yes?" Piccolo said while chewing on a sandwich.  
  
"How did you get in here without me sensing your presence?! And why are you here in the first place? With a sandwich of all things?!" Vegeta demanded answers.  
  
"I have the key, and I had the munchies man," Piccolo said as he jingled the key to the Son home in his free hand while holding the sandwich with the other.  
  
"Hmm, okay...no... What? Ah forget it," Vegeta said while heading towards the refridgerator for some food. He was stopped yet again as something fell on his face, pulling it off, he realized that it was Mr. Kcos.  
  
"I killed you! Dead! How did you survive?!" Vegeta yelled as Piccolo continued to eat his sandwich in the other room.  
  
"..." was Mr. Kcos's reply.  
  
"That's just wrong," Vegeta dropped the sock and backed away in horror.  
  
"Green Bean! Do something! That sock is pure evil!!" Vegeta yelled in terror.  
  
"Yeah, fine, I'll do something," Piccolo said while sighing. Using his apathetic powers, Piccolo grabbed the newspaper, sat back in his chair, and began to read it while eating.  
  
"Grr, ok fine be like that," Vegeta growled while turning back around to deal with the sock puppet. While he had been distracted, Mr. Kcos had moved to the top of the refridgerator, only a few feet away from Vegeta's head. It slowly turned its body to face the Prince, and started to inch towards him.  
  
"Ah!!" Vegeta yelled while running out of the house, having been scared spitless by the sock.  
  
******  
  
"Heh, that Dilbert." Piccolo chuckled as he continued to read the newspaper funnies.  
  
******  
  
The point of this story? Don't pick socks up off the street. No that wasn't it. It's there though... Oh it's there.  
  
The End  
  
Notes:........ O_o; 


	2. Part Two

Disclaimer: See the first chapter.  
  
Vegeta's Erm...  
  
Part Two  
  
It was yet another dark night in Satan City as Vegeta, Prince of a few Saiyans sat in his car and brooded.  
  
"......"  
  
"I can feel him, out there...."  
  
"Watching me."  
  
Vegeta shuddered at the thought. "I just know he'll be back for revenge, that freaking puppet is unstoppable."  
  
"Vegeta!!"  
  
Vegeta turned his head slowly to face the caller of his name.  
  
"Why are you sitting out here this late at night?" Bulma asked after having found him sitting outside of Capsule Corporation.  
  
"Because."  
  
"Because what?"  
  
"Because I feel like it, now leave me alone you stupid blue haired human!!"  
  
"What did you say you little midget?!" Bulma shrieked.  
  
"Have you gone death? I suppose you have. Now leave me be, so that I may brood and plot against the evil being that is most assuredly plotting right back against me in an attempt to make me his mind puppet, just like Kakarotto and the other idiots," Vegeta said.  
  
"Have you gone Stupid Saiyan or something, Vegeta? Because Goku and the other guys were acting just fine earlier."  
  
"That's because the sock puppet has them so well under his control that it only *looks* like they're fine. Duh," Vegeta stated as he tapped on the door of his car.  
  
"..."  
  
"You want to take this outside?!" Vegeta roared.  
  
"We're outside right now, Vegeta."   
  
"No, you're outside; I'm inside my car," Vegeta corrected.   
  
"I'm just going to turn around, and walk back inside now," Bulma replied as she did so.  
  
"Humph. All right, now where was I..."  
  
"..."  
  
"Wha-Great King Vegeta!! It has returned!!" the short Saiyan shouted as the evil sock puppet appeared on the front window of his car.  
  
"......"  
  
"While that may be true, I DOUBT that I'd fit in there," Vegeta said before starting the car and driving wildly through the streets of Satan City, desperately trying to shake the sock off the window.  
  
It didn't even blink.  
  
"Darn!! I can't...shake...it...off!!" Vegeta yelled over dramatically as he parked the car in front of a corner store and hopped out. Then shot a ki-blast at Mr. Kcos as it sat on the car window unmoving.   
  
The explosion destroyed the car, along with a few other ones that were parked nearby.  
  
"Son of a Namek!" Vegeta yelled as the sock appeared from the smoke unscathed.   
  
"..."  
  
"What do you mean 'If you were going to just blow up the car then why did you bother to park it?'! Don't get smart with me you little... thing!" Vegeta shook his fist threateningly.  
  
"..."  
  
"What do you mean 'You are only delaying the inevitable, my minions will soon find you and destroy you if you do not surrender to the all-powerful might of Mr. Kcos, bwuahahahahaha'?! The great Saiyan Prince Vegeta fears no sock puppet!"  
  
"......"  
  
Vegeta ran like the wind.  
  
***  
  
"Gohan, what are you doing here?" Goku asked his eldest son as he, Dende, Mr. Poppo, Krillen, Yamcha, Puar, and Mr. Satan stood in a tight group on Kami's Lookout sometime in the morning.  
  
"Wondering why you're all on Kami's Lookout, with Mr. Satan of all people," Gohan answered as he walked over.  
  
"Well so-"  
  
"I'm here because the great Mr. Kcos needs my unbeatable strength and skill to protect him, plus once I tell all my adoring fans about how incredible he is then Mr. Kcos will have an entire planet of devoted fans at his disposal to help him take over the universe. But of course I'll really be calling the shots since I'm Mr. Satan, the best martial artist in the world, no, the universe, oh yeah! I'm The Man!!" Mr. Satan shouted, interrupting Goku, he then started doing some poses.  
  
"Uh, who's Mr. Kcos?" Gohan decided to ask.  
  
"Only the new ruler of Earth. Of course," Krillen said in exasperation, as if it was already obvious.  
  
"I'm only speaking right now because this might be my only chance to do so, since I doubt I'll be getting many lines later on," Yamcha said.  
  
"You rule Yamcha, I mean you're obviously cool since you'll have the least amount of lines, it means you'll be the strong silent character," Krillen said sarcastically.  
  
"I do don't I?" Yamcha agreed.  
  
"No, you human punching bag, I was being sarcastic," Krillen responded.  
  
"Oh. Words hurt, Krillen, they hurt," Yamcha said sadly.  
  
"I know," Krillen replied.  
  
"Well that was pointless," Goku chuckled.  
  
"Kakarotto! You've gone and recruited more people to follow that evil sock, haven't you?!" Vegeta accused as he landed on the Lookout.  
  
"What is this, a club house? Why is everyone suddenly coming up here? It usually takes the threat of Earth's destruction to get so many people up here. And what are you talking about, Vegeta?" Gohan asked in confusion.  
  
"Don't play dumb with me brat! I know Kcos got you too! Just like all the others, I bet this is a trap isn't it? That I just stupidly walked into!!" Vegeta shouted.  
  
Goku pointed dramatically and gasped, "Vegeta! You have to call him 'Mr. Kcos', it's an insult to his greatness to call him by anything less.  
  
"Again, who is Mr. Kcos? And why are you acting so paranoid, Vegeta? You guys are all acting funny," Gohan said.  
  
"..."  
  
Mr. Kcos had returned, and he was mad.  
  
***  
  
Elsewhere, in a pitch black forest where a great, unspeakable evil was sure to emerge from.  
  
Crickets chirped.  
  
***  
  
"Ah! Mr. Kcos, everybody bow," Goku commanded.  
  
And so they bowed. Everyone except Gohan, who was baffled, and Vegeta, who was about to scream.  
  
"..."  
  
"Wha? You want me dead because there can be only one 'Mr.' here? Madness!" Mr. Satan yelled. "You knew what I was called when I joined your following, Mr. Kcos. Amd what about that Mr. Poppo fella?"  
  
"......"  
  
".........."  
  
"'You changed your mind' and 'Maybe I just don't like you'? No! Don't kill me! I'll do anything! I'll even just go by Hercule if I have to!" Mr. Satan begged.  
  
"..."  
  
"You heard him Krillen, take out the trash," Goku ordered as the group faced Mr. Satan.  
  
"Heard what? Am I the only person here that can't understand what that sock is saying? And why are you treating it like it's your master?" Gohan was beyond confused, he was desufnoc.  
  
In the background Krillen had begun smacking around Mr. Satan.  
  
"Because it is their master, Gohan! We must kill the evil puppet before it's reign of terror engulfs the entire planet!" Vegeta shouted as he ran up to the half-Saiyan.  
  
"Huh?" was the reply.  
  
"Join me and we can end this destructive conflict once and for all! Our combined might will finally put an end to the evil which has infested this planet for good!" Vegeta declared.  
  
Unnoticed, Krillen continued to kill Mr. Satan.  
  
"That's insane, Vegeta, you're insane. Don't listen to crazy Vegeta, son, he's just being crazy," Goku chuckled.  
  
"No, I speak nothing but the truth brat! And Kakarotto, insane and crazy basically mean the same thing, so just stick with one, OK?" Vegeta said.  
  
"Uh... Sure, Vegeta," Goku said slowly.  
  
"Well I think you're both highly mentally unstable, because neither one of you are making much sense," Gohan said.  
  
Yamcha and Puar joined Krillen in finishing his task of taking out the trash.  
  
"Yes, I have taught you well, Gohan, don't believe ANYTHING Vegeta, or Goku says," Piccolo said as he walked over.  
  
"Piccolo what are you doing here? And Dad never lies to me, so why I shouldn't believe anything he says?" Gohan questioned.  
  
"I don't know, it just sounded better to mention both Vegeta and Goku, not just one of them. And I've always been here. I'm Piccolo," the tall Namek answered.  
  
"No you haven't, Green Bean, you were at Kakarotto's house with me the other day, when I broke in to make a snack," Vegeta butted in.  
  
"Wait, you and Piccolo broke into my home?" Goku asked as he prepared to lay the smack down.  
  
"No, I didn't break in, Goku. I had a key, only Vegeta did," Piccolo answered calmly.  
  
"But why were you there in the first place? Both of you," Goku demanded.  
  
"I was hungry," Vegeta shrugged.  
  
"No particular reason," Piccolo said.  
  
Puar scooped Mr. Satan's lifeless body into a large black trash bag after taking the form of a giant floating shovel, while Krillen and Yamcha watched.  
  
"You didn't take anything did you, Vegeta?" Goku asked suspiciously.  
  
"What?! Why would I want any of your stupid possessions? Also, shouldn't you be asking 'Mr. Kcos' why it was in your house too?!" the short Saiyan yelled.  
  
"Mr. Kcos has a key, obviously," Dende, who had been silent up until now answered.  
  
"I didn't ask you Green Bean Jr.!" Vegeta shouted.  
  
"Pfft. You might as well have, he's Dende Vegeta. He knows these things," Goku said.  
  
By now the two humans and the floating cat were shoving the garbage bag off of Kami's Lookout, as Mr. Poppo cleaned up the mess left behind from the beating.  
  
"Hey, where's Mr. Satan at? Wasn't he just here a moment ago?" Gohan asked.  
  
"You should have expressed concern about his whereabouts two minutes ago. Krillen and the others just disposed of his now dead body," Piccolo replied.  
  
"Huh? No! Videl will freak when she finds out what happened to him, and that I didn't even do anything to save him!" Gohan panicked.  
  
Piccolo shrugged.  
  
Goku scratched the back of his head.  
  
Mr. Kcos stared.  
  
"......"  
  
"Gotcha. Krillen, Yamcha, Puar, Mr. Poppo, Dende, anyone else, it's time to kill Vegeta for his insolence," Goku commanded.  
  
Everyone faced Vegeta.  
  
"You must be joking," Vegeta said before firing a ki-blast directly at Krillen, Yamcha, and Puar. Destroying them instantly. Dende shrugged and ran, Poppo following right behind him.  
  
"No! Not Krillen! And to a lesser extent Yamcha too! I don't think even Porunga will revive him now, he's died like four times!" Goku exclaimed in horror.  
  
"What makes it even worst is the fact that you could have easily saved your friends from such a pathetic death by teleporting in front of them via Instantaneous Movement and swatting the blast away," Piccolo said, trying to suppress a snicker.  
  
Yeah, I could have saved them too. But I'll just blame it on being in shock over the death of my girlfriend's father, Gohan thought to himself.  
  
"You want some too, Kakarotto? The death?" Vegeta charged up two more balls of ki.  
  
"......" Mr. Kcos said.  
  
Vegeta's balls exploded harmlessly from his shock.  
  
"That's mildly disturbing coming from a sock puppet," Piccolo commented.  
  
Vegeta fired a continuous blast at the sock in an attempt to catch it off guard.  
  
"No! The Master!" Goku screamed in alarm.  
  
Gohan blinked.  
  
Piccolo stared at his/it's nails.  
  
***  
  
Somewhere in the mountains, for some reason, Tien sneezed again. Perhaps he was coming down with something? He thought as he waited for Chaotzu to return with their burgers.  
  
***  
  
The dust, wherever dust came from on Kami's Lookout, cleared to reveal Mr. Kcos' unmoving body, if you could call it a body.  
  
Goku shrieked like a small child.  
  
"You killed Mr. Kcos, again!!" Goku pointed an accusing finger towards Vegeta.  
  
Vegeta smirked.  
  
"You mean it's dead? Seriously, how can you tell the difference? It certainly didn't look like it was alive before," Piccolo asked curiously.  
  
"No, how can you not tell the difference? That is what the true question should be," Goku said cryptically.   
  
Gohan gave him a weird look.  
  
Piccolo discreetly grabbed the sock and vanished.  
  
"That wasn't very discreet," Mr, Poppo said, speaking for the first time in like, forever. He then walked away.  
  
"Wait... Head suddenly... Clear! Can think straight again!" Goku shouted jubilantly.  
  
"Does that mean you're no longer devoting your existence to serving a sock puppet?" Gohan had to ask.  
  
"No, it means my headache is gone. That was a stupid question son, Mr. Kcos will forever be the greatest ruler of all in my book, dangit. I just wish I had stopped Piccolo from taking his dead body," Goku said mournfully.  
  
"Dad, it's asinine that you're getting depressed about a sock puppet being blown up, yet Vegeta just killed two of your best friends since childhood and one of their talking cats a few minutes ago, I've hardly heard any shouts of outrage or sadness about that, I mean, KRILLEN dad! Come on!" Gohan said.  
  
"Well, maybe they just need to stop dying so much Gohan, I can't afford to get upset every time one of my friends or family members die, that's exactly how people get bad hearts pal," Goku replied. "Say, where'd Vegeta get off to?"  
  
"He left sometime after he killed 'Mr. Kcos',. dad."  
  
"Oh, well I'm going to go gather up Chichi and Goten, so we can mourn the lost of Mr. Kcos," Goku said before teleporting away.  
  
"Man, that was more pointless than that whole 'Majin Buu' thing," Gohan muttered.  
  
***  
  
"Huh?" Piccolo looked down at his hand as he shot through the air like a comet. "That's funny, I could've swore I was holding a sock puppet a moment ago. Oh well. Who cares?"  
  
Piccolo, the Superior Apathetic Namekian continued his flight.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, on Turtle Island, Master Roshi slept peacefully.  
  
***  
  
"Boy, what a day, what a day," Vegeta said as he entered Capsule Corp that night.  
  
After a while he was standing in the shower letting the water pour down his body.  
  
In the corner of his eye, he saw something move.  
  
"Eh?"  
  
Mr. Kcos had returned again, and he was one unhappy sock.  
  
"Ahh!!"  
  
The last thing Vegeta ever saw was Mr. Kcos flying towards him.  
  
Never mess with an evil sock puppet.  
  
***  
  
End  
  
End Notes: I figured I'd write a second chapter, it may have taken me lots and lots of months to do so, but it's there.   
  
I wrote this in only a few hours, on and off. Review and tell me if it was even funny this time around, or just review to say you read it, even let me know how horrible it was if you must; as long as I get some feedback is all I'm saying. o_o  
  
Anyway, many things, as with most of my stories, were left unexplained. Like, where in the world did Vegeta get a car from in the first place? Why did no one ask about it?  
  
Why was Gohan the only person that was just plain desufnoc? Why am I spelling confused backwards, as if that gives it more meaning or something?  
  
Is Yamcha a human punching bag?  
  
Why do I always feel a need to make some sort of testicles joke in most of my 'fics?  
  
What was the deal with the sock?  
  
You know, things like that. But the answers don't really matter, just because. So there. 


End file.
